sleeplightly

Title: Sleep Lightly

Author: White Star 2

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Midnight on the Firing Line. War Without End if you're terribly picky.

Summary: "Sleep well, Ambassador," G'Kar had cautioned him. "Sleep lightly."

Disclaimer: Not mine, blah, blah. JMS's. We love JMS. *gives him her love and devotion*

Author's Notes: Thanks to dz_crasher and leyenn who beta'd. And whee, look at me! Two fics while watching the episode. This is the first...

Sleep Lightly

He rubs his throat where the nails had sunk. It will leave a mark, or at least a bruise. G'Kar's words echo in his head. Sleep lightly. He's lucky, he knows. Narn fingers tear skin. G'Kar could have had him on the ground, bleeding, had he wanted to. He wonders what he'd done to deserve that kind of mercy. It makes him feel humiliated.

He no longer fears for his life, most days. Even though they tell him that his dream, the one prophetic thing he had ever seen, like all phrophecies, is never certain. He doesn't care anymore. Death is death, whether at the hands of a Narn or the edge of a sword. When he was young, when he was Paso Leati, he was brave. He was the bravest of them. But you can't be brave if you're not the least bit afraid, and so he is doomed to spend the rest of his life a coward, playing politics with the Earthers. He is doomed to twenty more years in this universe by mere inaction.

The only comfort he has is knowing that, someday, when that bastard finally kills him, he will not survive it. He remembers that dream very well, he'd dreamed it many times, and many dreams based on the memory of it. He's seen G'Kar, old and angry, one eye patched with a cloth. Did he put out that eye? Sometimes he hopes he did. Other times, he wonders what he had put out in return.

He remembers that dream too well. He's wearing white and coughing into a handkerchief. And G'Kar's eye, the only one he has left, looks at him with a deeper understanding behind the anger. Perhaps it is knowing that he will die for some cause. Perhaps it is gladness for years of struggle that are to come. After twenty years, he would be glad to go, too.

It is a curse, he was always told, to have that kind of a dream too early in your life. And ever since he'd met G'Kar, years ago, he'd known how true that was. Speculations upon speculations disturbed his sleep and even some of his waking moments. Twenty more years of that and he may go insane. Maybe he will go insane and that is why he lets a Narn in his home.

Chance had them meet on Earth. Destiny had G'Kar be as oblivious to all of this as the Earthers around them. He will speak to the Earthers today about stopping the Narn, but deep down in his heart he will always know that that's not enough.

Even if old glories are restored and the Narn are defeated, there would always be that nagging feeling, that reminder in his sleep that it wasn't over for good. That one day, in his home, twenty years from now, the respectable Ambassador would be there with hands around his throat. Even if things work out in his favor, even if he is respected and safe, even if he is Emperor, he will still wake up in the middle of the night, knowing that this will still come.

Sleep lightly, G'Kar cautioned him. And it sounded more like a curse. Because the trouble is that he already does. The trouble is that it won't make a difference one way or the other.



	Title: Sleep Lightly Author: White Star 2 Rating: PG Spoilers: Midnight on the Firing Line. War Without End if you're terribly picky. Summary: "Sleep well, Ambassador," G'Kar had cautioned him. "Sleep lightly." Disclaimer: Not mine, blah, blah. JMS's. We love JMS. gives him her love and devotion Author's Notes: Thanks to dz_crasher and leyenn who beta'd. And whee, look at me! Two fics while watching the episode. This is the first... Sleep Lightly He rubs his throat where the nails had sunk. It will leave a mark, or at least a bruise. G'Kar's words echo in his head. Sleep lightly. He's lucky, he knows. Narn fingers tear skin. G'Kar could have had him on the ground, bleeding, had he wanted to. He wonders what he'd done to deserve that kind of mercy. It makes him feel humiliated. He no longer fears for his life, most days. Even though they tell him that his dream, the one prophetic thing he had ever seen, like all phrophecies, is never certain. He doesn't care anymore. Death is death, whether at the hands of a Narn or the edge of a sword. When he was young, when he was Paso Leati, he was brave. He was the bravest of them. But you can't be brave if you're not the least bit afraid, and so he is doomed to spend the rest of his life a coward, playing politics with the Earthers. He is doomed to twenty more years in this universe by mere inaction. The only comfort he has is knowing that, someday, when that bastard finally kills him, he will not survive it. He remembers that dream very well, he'd dreamed it many times, and many dreams based on the memory of it. He's seen G'Kar, old and angry, one eye patched with a cloth. Did he put out that eye? Sometimes he hopes he did. Other times, he wonders what he had put out in return. He remembers that dream too well. He's wearing white and coughing into a handkerchief. And G'Kar's eye, the only one he has left, looks at him with a deeper understanding behind the anger. Perhaps it is knowing that he will die for some cause. Perhaps it is gladness for years of struggle that are to come. After twenty years, he would be glad to go, too. It is a curse, he was always told, to have that kind of a dream too early in your life. And ever since he'd met G'Kar, years ago, he'd known how true that was. Speculations upon speculations disturbed his sleep and even some of his waking moments. Twenty more years of that and he may go insane. Maybe he will go insane and that is why he lets a Narn in his home. Chance had them meet on Earth. Destiny had G'Kar be as oblivious to all of this as the Earthers around them. He will speak to the Earthers today about stopping the Narn, but deep down in his heart he will always know that that's not enough. Even if old glories are restored and the Narn are defeated, there would always be that nagging feeling, that reminder in his sleep that it wasn't over for good. That one day, in his home, twenty years from now, the respectable Ambassador would be there with hands around his throat. Even if things work out in his favor, even if he is respected and safe, even if he is Emperor, he will still wake up in the middle of the night, knowing that this will still come. Sleep lightly, G'Kar cautioned him. And it sounded more like a curse. Because the trouble is that he already does. The trouble is that it won't make a difference one way or the other.